The Struggle is Real

Psalm 30:11-12

You turned my wailing into dancing;
    you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
    Lord my God, I will praise you forever.

This week my anger flared.

Tim and I are doing well. We fill our days and enjoy each other's company. We're thankful we have a safe place to live and food on the table. Yet, my anger toward this COVID-19 virus reached a peak this week. I'm grieving the fact that I can't see my family, hug my children, or play with my grandkids. Tim and I can't go out for dinner at a restaurant. We can't attend church with the congregation. I walk in my neighborhood, but fear I might catch the virus. As I wallowed in my discontent, my fibromyalgia flared and made me even more miserable.

That was Tuesday.

On Wednesday, hope filled my heart. The ire dissipated and joy sang out. So often, I must walk through the darkness before I appreciate the light. As they say, "The struggle is real." Our mental health is being tested. So is our faith.

Dale Chihuly glass art  

Maybe anger eats at you, depression dogs your days, or anxiety attacks. I've suffered them all through the stay-at-home corona days. But I've also experienced joy through the Holy Spirit. When I get over myself and hand my cares to God through prayer, the Spirit fills my soul with joy and a peace that passes understanding. When I stop to thank God for my circumstances and ask Him to forgive my selfishness, he turns my grumbles into dancing, my grief into joy. I'm so grateful that God loves me even when I'm unlovable.

As my faith grows and stretches, I praise God for his continued love and grace.

How have you dealt with all the baggage of these stay-at-home times?
Are you taking care of yourself?
Physically, mentally and spiritually?

Even a few minutes in God's word and in prayer eases the stress.

My Pity Party

Psalm 34:17-18
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

My left knee throbs, the spot between my shoulder blades along my spine aches, my thumb joints scream at me. I have arthritis and fibromyalgia. Let me tell you, some days I just plain hurt. I'm not writing this to gain sympathy, it's just part of my life now. What I want to say is I've gained empathy for others who ache and hurt from physical pain. God has provided me an excellent rheumatologist who helps me manage the pain. And God has blessed me through this. He's given me new insight into what others go through. Sometimes illness isn't visible, sometimes handicaps aren't seen, so I'll not judge the person who parks in a handicapped spot and looks "fine". They may not be.

public image domain

There's another side to the physical pain, There's the emotional and spiritual battle. For awhile I was angry because I could no longer embroider, something I'd enjoyed since I was six years old. I could no longer hand-quilt or sew for any length of time by hand. I struggle to crochet, and I've had to adjust to walking slower and in shorter increments. Here's a funny. I like to sit on the floor-but guess what, it's not pretty when I have to get up. As all of these changes to my body have taken place, I've been brokenhearted. I've cried out to God the typical "WHY?" I've felt sorry for myself and been grumpy. But you know what? In the midst of my pity party I felt the Holy Spirit's nudge. He said pray. Pray for healing. The healing wasn't for my body, it was for my attitude, my selfishness, and yes my pathetic spirit. So I've prayed. I've asked God for comfort and peace with my situation. And He's poured it over me. I still struggle sometimes (and I'd say I hit my knees, but I can't physically do that) so I sit down and bow my head and seek my Father who loves me. The One who has healed my crushed spirit. I praise God that He's always there for me.

What do you need to turn over to God?